“Grandma believes that she can intervene in my family life”
I have been married for the sixth year. Before that, I had a relationship from which my eldest son was born. Now my husband and I have three children, two common. As far as I remember, my grandmother always climbed to me with her help, sometimes completely unnecessary, and with advice, also not always necessary. She raised me, therefore she believes that she has the right to indicate how to live. My mother first studied, then married a second time, gave birth to her sister.
When I gave birth to an eldest son in a civil marriage, she was categorically against: “Why do you need a child at 23, you need to get a diploma”. She did not love her father of the child, from her point of view he was bad – but exactly until we dispersed. Then he sharply became “good”.
I got married, and again she is unhappy: according to her, I had to sacrifice my personal life for my son. I began to get me that my husband is “earning little”, although her son, my uncle, has been sitting on her wife’s neck for more than 20 years. She doesn’t like that my husband smokes, although I think this is his personal business. When she once again inhabited, they say, weaned to smoke her husband, I asked why she hadn’t studied her grandfather, maybe it would be alive. She did not talk to me for three days.
Forever indicates how to dress, how to wear and educate children. There is no life, although we live separately. And it still reproaches me that I do not regret her for living all her life for others. So he says: “I have never lived with my life, then the life of children, then grandchildren, then great -grandchildren, but you don’t feel sorry for me”. And where should I feel sorry for her? This is her decision, and she herself must bear responsibility for him.
Snezhana, 33 years old
Snezhana, you write that the grandmother indicates how to live and is constantly unhappy with your actions. You want to fix your grandmother? This is impossible. There is a chance to analyze your feelings and help yourself not to be upset because of her words.
Grandma really raised you. thanks her! But perhaps she lacks your gratitude? And with her “harassment” she reminds of her role in your memory? Obsessively, inactive, but, as he can, seeks contact and confirmation of his significance.
She supports the previous style of the relationship that she used in your childhood. And you are trying to prove that you are an adult, reacting like a teenager. Когда человек чувствует и знает, что он прав, то рекомендации и мнение другого принимаются к сведению, но не портят нервы. Когда есть чувство неуверенности, то человек нуждается в поддержке и принятии, а любая критика или недовольство воспринимается как унижение и боль, хочется защищаться.
Your relationship with your grandmother is very complicated, as she also played the role of mother. And mom, engaged in her life, did not pay you love and care – which, of course, affected your feelings. You probably hurt you to remember this and think about childhood. What was happening in the soul of the girl, how she experienced separation from https://ukeducationloan.com/2023/10/16/vavada-zerkalo-udobnyy-put-dlya-obkhoda-blokirovki/ her mother? Everything can be justified and understood, but the child would like to always be with his mother. How did you all experience it?
You can’t fix the grandmother – you can try to figure out what she does, what wants, what is happening to you and what feelings you are experiencing – what are you and your grandmother actually argue that she is trying to convey to you, and you – to prove to her. If you deal with yourself, your grandmother will feel an adult, self -confident person and, perhaps, will become calmer. In the meantime, she has a desire to teach a small child, save and protect him.